I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
