Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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