Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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