saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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