in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
