I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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