Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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