I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
