what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
