Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
This is my gift to your gina
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
