i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
