I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
