Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
