I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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