how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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