so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
