Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Im part way to drunk.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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