Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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