umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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