I've blown a few things in my day
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
