let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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