Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
