return my video game
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
