before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
