Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
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you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize