it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I can't turn off my feet"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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