Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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