if only i could text you this smell
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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