so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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