I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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