I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
