I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
people are starting to question the shark bite story
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
