well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
