I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
