i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
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But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
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bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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