Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
