You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
