I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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