I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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