at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
