we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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