just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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