if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
