Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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