Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
