i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
