wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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