i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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