So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
