we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
my being single is dangerous.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
