For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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