i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
