My sheets look like a crime scene.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
