you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
