Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
