I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
