First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
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