no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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