Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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