I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
