I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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