Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
