you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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