You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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