Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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