I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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