After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
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Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
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We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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