Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
