I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
